How to Stop Clinging for Dear Life


Pain! Your spouse becomes removed and struggles to get away. You cling. You plead. You moralize. You reason. Your spouse struggles harder to get away.

Does it hurt? You bet it hurts. If you let go, you may feel you’re giving your spouse freedom to leave. You may feel you’re saying you don’t care. And you may feel you may cause a misunderstanding you will regret all the days of your life. Your childrem may grow up in a broken family and you don’t want that.

So you hold on for dear life. You complain. You remind your spouse of the wedding vows. But the harder you hold on, the harder your spouse struggles to get away.

A Different Perspective

You said your vows. The moral obligation is there to stay faithful. That’s for sure. People make excuses for breaking the vows, but they generally know those excuses are not true. And if your spouse breaks the vows, that will be on them. They will never be able to say they were true to their wedding vows.

But that’s on them. Not you.

Their choices speak of their character–not yours. And their freedom to be honorable or dishonorable belongs to your spouse, not you.

So, consider it an honor, a privilege for them to have the opportunity to be faithful to you and the children. And if your spouse chooses to give that up, it is their foolishness, their loss. Your part is to make sure you have been a good spouse yourself so that they would be rewarded for their faithfulness if they should stay.

If you respect yourself, your children, your word, and the marriage, they will more likely respect you than if you panic and cling and throw fits of desperation and make yourself ugly.


If your spouse is distant, try to remember why you and your spouse fell in love with each other. Do things you enjoy even if you don’t feel like it. Have fun with the children and with friends. The best revenge is to have a great life with or without them.

Surround yourself with friends and family. Go on outings together. If you attend church, or not, volunteer to help in a soup kitchen or a rescue mission or in a children’s hospital. Consider raising a guide dog puppy or some other service animal.

But most of all, don’t let this present pain stop you from having a good life and having fun. Fun, happy people are more attractive.

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