Are you thinking of proposing marriage but are afraid to propose?
Then if you’re scared to death, maybe you’re not ready. Or do you fear commitment? Are you too comfortable procrastinating? Then maybe she will become impatient or disgusted and give up if you don’t propose. So you’re feeling the pressure. Yet you don’t want to make a fool of yourself. You’re afraid to propose.
And yet maybe you feel it is unfair to keep your loved one waiting and hoping that some day you will come around.
Do you feel you have to rush or she will get away? Is it too soon? Then maybe you don’t really know each other yet.
Or are you certain she will say yes and you will end up stuck with regrets? Do you feel pressure from family or that time is running out? Are you afraid to propose for that reason?
Well, stop and relax. Then take a few deep breaths. And try not to get goosebumps confused with love.
Fear of Your Proposal Being Turned Down
If you’re afraid to propose because you will be turned down, many people say that fear and “falling in love” share a similar sense of adrenaline or some other hormone rush coursing through your body. And that is not a good indicator whether this person is a good match for you. In fact, some of the most disastrous relationships spring from that experience of excitement and lust, that fear that people confuse with falling in love.
Falling in Love and Fear
My first marriage started with that feeling. My ex and I could not get enough of each other. At first, we enjoyed walks together and felt we could talk about anything. We wondered if we were falling in love or just killing our loneliness.
Our relationship started with excitement. It became passionate and physical. I could not imagine not marrying a woman with whom I had become physical as I had originally intended to maintain my virginity until marriage.
Why was this important? When I married, I wanted to save sexual intimacy for one woman and only one woman. I did not want her wondering whether I was comparing her with many women before her. To me, sexual intimacy was a statement of commitment for life not to be shared with many but reserved for only one. And I pitied those who forever lost that opportunity.
Proposal – No Fear but Tragedy
A couple years later we were married. After almost ten tumultuous years of intensity–intense joy and intense pain, she fell into an affair and our marriage broke. I tried to save the marriage. I prayed. I soaked my pillow with tears and questioned why God could be so heartless as to ignore my prayers. But I knew it would not be right for Him to force my wife at the time to be faithful if that were not her desire.
Loneliness Before Joy
A few lonely years went by. Our daughter urged me not to give up on the marriage at first but later changed her mind. I had times of joy with the young adults at church, though I felt like an old guy in his 40s hanging around kids in their middle and late 20s or early 30s.
Then I became close to some Christians online. One person I became close to was a lady who started a Christian group. However, while we grew close, we could both see we were great as friends but not ideal for a life-long romantic relationship. She was Catholic and I was not, and our age difference was over 20 years.
But Eileen and I met there, and we all seemed to be able to see objectively that we were indeed a perfect fit for each other. Our values were the same. And while we did not start off with passion or lust or any physical attraction that might deceive us, we grew as friends. That love soon grew into longer conversations and an objective awareness that we seemed perfect for each other. From there, God seemed to move heaven and earth to bring us together.
Afraid to Propose No More
My second marriage started at a distance. We were not looking for a relationship. There was no lust. She lived in Australia and I lived in California, and we both joined a Christian chat. People noticed we seemed to be perfect for each other. We had the same values and our talks became longer and more frequent. When we met for the first time in San Francisco airport, we felt like strangers and yet we regarded ourselves a couple of sorts.
But we grew together again, and I visited her in Australia next as we missed each other. But our relationship did not grow from excitement or lust. It grew naturally. And it grew naturally into a serious relationship and then marriage.
And when you have that kind of a situation, the manner in which you propose marriage is icing on the cake. It’s a way to be romantic with someone with whom you both pretty much know you’re both committed to becoming married for life.
What are You Afraid to Propose?
The more important question is do you know what you’re proposing? Do you know what you are promising to this person, to your families and your future children? Are you certain it will be a strong foundation of committed love that children need?
Anyway, here’s the e-book I mentioned earlier if you have sorted all that out and want a nice way to make that proposal!
(Keep in mind this is an affiliate link from which I receive a commission if you buy from that site.)
I got this book too late after I had already popped the question. Now, why would I do something silly like that? Well, I got it as a part of a larger relationship collection. It’s worthwhile making your proposal a memorable moment for your loved one, and there is much wisdom in this book for keeping guys out of trouble and disappointment and embarrassment.
I previously had a link to the whole Relationship Collection, but lately some items were added I did not feel comfortable carrying. However, the Questions, 50 Secrets, and Proposals were excellent.