Two kinds of improvements lead to a happy marriage:
- Quick, easy, simple, relatively painless ones with quick results.
- Slow, more sacrificial paths to a healthy marriage.
We all want long term happiness. But you cannot reach long-term improvements without the easy, short-term improvements first.
So, here’s a quick ad and link to Michael Webb’s e-book on Blissful Relationships. He gives great advice from his own success in his own family life.
Get this E-book Here ==> 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
Why 50 Secrets?
I love the ideas in Michael Webb’s book which you can get quickly for a FAST download. That means you can benefit from it now. Don’t run to a bookstore or wait for an book to arrive in the mail when a few quick, easy steps that made your marriage happy and saved your family from disaster!
Besides that, I believe strongly in what Michele Weiner-Davis calls SOBT or Solution Oriented Brief Therapy. You can get her book, Divorce Busting or Divorce Recovery through this website or pick one up at the local library or bookstore.
What is SOBT for a Happy Marriage?
SOBT stands for Solution Oriented Brief Therapy. Therefore SOBT focuses on solutions, not problems. Moreover, SOBT is brief.
So, what does this mean? For decades, highly skilled counselors brought patients through long and expensive sessions dredging up old problems for analysis. They would try to get to the root of the problem. How often did this lead to a happy marriage?
Often counselors interviewed couple together and individually resurfacing painful memories. Couple fought more bitterly than before. And the counselors claimed success in reestablishing communication.
Frustration With Counseling
In her book, “Divorce Busting”, Michele Weiner-Davis told how her own parents divorced and how she went into counseling hoping to save marriages. But after years of school and practical experience, she despaired for lack of success. What did she do wrong? When she asked her colleagues, they said they experienced the same–little success.
So, she went on a quest. What did Michele find different between marriages that could be saved and those that could not? Her clients began to track what they did immediately before a rough spell in their marriages started to get better. What happened just before they kissed and made up? And just as important, what did they expect beforehand?
Michele’s Amazing Discovery
Couples tried repeating what they did before things got better. And amazingly it worked!
Ok. That sounds obvious. But what if they did not feel like it? It did not matter whether they did it with or without feeling. And the more it worked, the more the couple felt motivated to keep trying. And a happy marriage followed.
Families were being saved. Now, Michele gave other ideas for saving marriages in her books such as the As-If technique. I highly recommend not only her books, but also her website at Divorce Busting. Here, she has many materials such as videos and counseling or coaching appointments.
My First and Second Marriage
Why do I have a website like this if my first marriage ended in failure? I remember a joke that went like this: “If at first you don’t succeed, people will approach you with advice who also didn’t succeed.”
Well, truth is, my ex-wife suffered from a mental illness. We fought hard and often, and our marriage ended after nine years together when she got into an affair.
After years alone studying, praying and agonizing, Eileen and I met, fell in love, and married in 2007. And we put into practice much of what we learned studying Michael Webb’s books together. We passed the 12 year mark and still experience marital happiness, trust, commitment, and stability.
Happy Marriage at Last
In my first marriage, we went to counseling, and we experienced what many people experienced. We both told our side of the story, answered questions, cut deals, went away fighting more than before, and we were told that was good because we were communicating.
But we didn’t have a communication problem. And we never reached our long-term solution since we never got our short-term solution. In the years between my first and second marriage, I read many of the books and e-books mentioned on this website. In a way, Eileen and I saved our marriage before it started while my ex had to go through a decade and a half of more broken relationships.
So Michelle went on a quest.
- What made happy marriages different?
- How did couples behave immediately before their quarrels ended?
- When did their contempt and distrust for one another end?
And this quest brought success in saving marriages. Far more success than dredging up old feelings of anger, hatred, and bitterness from past insults and trust-destroying offenses.
Marriages began being saved.